Wife suddenly wants lots of sex....just not with me.

I come to those of you with experience on this issue......My wife is 44 and roughly 1 year into perimenopause. Her sex drive definitely took a dip over the last few years, until last winter when she got on HRT and a few other meds to combat the peri. Over the last 6 months her sex drive has been through the roof, while mine has taken a dip. I tried keeping up as best I could through Feb and March but I also developed ED. I am a healthy 48 year old in-shape male. I feel confident my ED is due to stress and performance anxiety. She has multiple degrees and we both work hard. We've never had any big fights in our 19 years together. We are financially responsible and live in a good neighborhood. I will admit to struggling with anxiety and depression and I know that can take its toll. I often get locked in to working 50 plus hours a week and don't give her the attention she deserves. But I always try to make up for it.

But since about April, my wife has started ghosting me a bit as far as daily chats. She's gotten very immersed in romantasy books, various TV series involving extramarital affairs, and has began guarding her phone like never before and always texting. She buys a new sex toy like every two weeks. About 5 weeks ago, after weeks of barely talking to me, I asked her what's going on. She opened up that she's feeling like maybe we need a trial separation, said she's burnt out being a mom (we have 2 daughters 11 & 13) and wife, she misses the feeling of being "in love" and desired, and then admitted to flirting and sexting with multiple different acquaintances and former colleagues online and via text. These men are about 15 years her junior. So, that night was a real emotional gut punch but we agreed to stay together and figure this out.

A week later we went on a date and I told her I understand her needs and want to support her however I can and that I would work on myself, physically, mentally and emotionally as well as my libido and ED issues. I also told her that I would grant her a few "hall passes" to get her sexual needs met elsewhere for the time being. I love this woman more than anything and I so desperately want to grow old with her. Im not trying to be a spineless doormat, and the thought of her having sex with other men is nauseating. But keeping my family together is my priority. She has been the best partner ever for 18 and a half years. Im not gonna throw it all out because the last 6 months have been stressful.

Since the day I granted her a hall pass, she has been extra sweet and lovey with me. A lot more kisses and hugs and cuddles, etc. However, she says she does not want to have sex with me because she doesn't feel an emotional connection right now. Ouch. Im all for her "sexual re-awakening", it just sucks she wants it from others and not me. She has a trip planned this month to relax and "find herself". The trip is several states away. Maybe she is meeting one of her crushes. I honestly don't know. Its irrelevant as this point since I granted her permission. Did I just get friend-zoned by my wife?

So have any of you ladies experienced what my wife is going through? And if so, how did you and your spouse navigate it and what was the outcome. I keep seeing articles and videos that tell me I need to fight for her, while others tell me to give her space and understanding. Ugh, I never expected to be here at 48. Does she just want her cake and eat it too by going out, getting her needs met but eventually coming back to me? Or does she just see this as a way to take her time in trading me in for something better? Should I stay the course, or is this ship sinking regardless? Is this just a crazy temporary phase, or is this who she is now? Help!!

Thank you.

TL;DR: My peri wife wants sex and attention from everyone but me. I gave her permission hoping it might bring her back to me in the end