Anxiety and questions about bedsharing with 1 month old (and feeling like I can't seek IRL help/support)

My 4-week-old baby is very 'clingy' and a total velcro baby who becomes really fussy and/or distressed when placed down. We were never able to get her down in her bedside bassinet for longer than 20 minutes at a time and after a few incidences where this sleep-deprived mama fell asleep with baby on my chest, I started looking into safe cosleeping. We've been bed-sharing since 1.5 weeks.

I have tried to make it as safe as possible: flipped our mattress so it's a firmer surface (will upgrade when we can afford to do so), no blankets past my waist, sleep in cuddle curl or propped up on my chest, she's EBF, etc..

However, I find that I still have some pretty significant anxiety that is not helped by running into fear-mongering and horror stories while looking for cosleeping info. While I've heard that many cosleeping deaths occur due to unsafe practices and accidental cosleeping, I can't help the intrusive anxiety thoughts about worst case scenarios. Additionally, I used to work in an emergency department and witnessed/heard about some horrific incidences that occurred due to babies being accidentally smothered. Some nights the anxiety is so bad that I can't sleep even when baby is asleep beside me...I feel like I'm rolling the dice every night and that it's only a matter of time before I f*ck up and suffocate my baby.

I feel that I can't go to anyone I know IRL for support in this because our peds office staff and family members are insistent that baby needs to be in her bassinet. At this point I fear I've ruined any chance of being able to place her down in the bassinet at night because she'll only sleep if she's directly beside or touching me. I've tried sleeping with my hand on her in the bedside bassinet and it just wasn't enough for her—even after being transitioned in a deep sleep, she woke up immediately and started crying.

I'm grateful for online cosleeping communities because I really do feel that cosleeping is best—baby seems far more content when she's beside me, and my husband and I are able to function during the day. It's just difficult to balance what feels best and most natural with the anxiety-related intrusive thoughts and horrible images. If any other moms have been here, I'd love to hear about what helped you navigate anxiety around this. I just have so many questions and worries, and feel like I have nowhere to put them. Thank you all!