I just realised my boyfriend is the only person who stayed by my side even if after I acted so bad 😭

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Yesterday was my birthday and no one in my house was excited about it 😭he baked a cake for me and celebrated my birthday 😭, even after he was having soo many problems in his house , when he was at the edge of losing his own house .We had a worst of fights in last 2 months where most of the couple's would breakup but he didn't gave up on me , he still wants to be with me after all . I didn't liked only the fact that he swears to the situation in the fight and mene itni overthinking Krli ki muje abuse , disrespect kiya hai 😭 and all but he didn't ,infact he got used to swearing because I used to it a lot ,I forgive him because what I did is much bigger thing and no one will be with me after that.he tolerated my immature bullshit from neet to his family issues .I just want to feel love again but I'm so numb rn, what should I do guyys ?