i hate my parents

im not being a dramatic teenager, i seriously hate & resent my parents and i hate myself for it. i grew up undiagnosed autistic and got my diagnosis at 15, i also had a very rough childhood and clearly struggled with my mental health at a massive level at a very young age. my mum never taught me how to regulate my emotions so i turned to self harm at a very young age as its all i could do to make my anger go away and make my upset go away and its still a battle i deal with today i feel like i will never escape this. i was diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder & selective mutism at a younger age (around about 5-7) so i was in therapies already but my mum never even thought to speak to my therapist about how to support my emotional outbursts or how to support ME as a child. my sister is clearly struggling with her anger recently, she has outbursts that i can only describe as like a rabid pack animal and today she scratched me all up like crazy just for going into my bedroom whilst she was getting shouted at, my mum took her outside to speak about her feelings and colour quietly which is obviously the right thing to do as a parent but i hate her for it, and i envy my sister for it. when i was younger i would’ve never been treated in my way and i tried to speak to my mum about how this upset me and she told me “sometimes we need to learn from our mistakes” but she should’ve never had me if she didn’t know how to help a child regulate their emotions in a safe way beforehand, and it shouldn’t have gotten to the point where i was having multiple near death suicide experiences for her to realise she needs to change and learn as a mother. i’m jealous, angry and i feel like im full of hatred knowing that there’s a chance i could’ve avoided so much hardship growing up if she had just learnt how to be a mother before she became one, my lack of understanding how to regulate my emotions has caused me to lose so many friends and it’s caused me to permanently scar my body and i hate that it’s all irreversible just because she didn’t learn how to care for a child.