update: my [25m] sex life with my gf [24f] is purely a source of frustration for me

this is a semi update to a post i made either yesterday or the prior day.

in that post i described how my gf of 8 months and i have not had sex and that our sex life for the most part has been one sided. she has on several occasions promised sex either specifically (saying on multiple occasions that she wants me to "fuck the shit out of her" on a night out) or generally ("i can't wait for us to fuck in the summertime, we are gonna fuck so hard") and then withdrawn when sex was actually possible. in reality, our sex life is basically me making her finish and then me being begrudgingly offered a handjob. on rare occasion, she may offer a blowjob that ends in a handjob. because she does not seem to enjoy it, for the most part i politely decline. i described not being able to emotionally buy into sexual encounters because i don't want to get excited for nothing.

i also mentioned in that post some of the weird vicarious things she does - like making sims of herself and I "woohoo."

taking the advice of the people in the thread, i had a very direct discussion with her about how sex was important to me both on a physical and emotional level. i told her that there is perpetually a wall between us because we aren't able to be fully vulnerable with each other in a way that is important to me, and was honest about my frustration, especially in light of the fact communication has been very difficult and i feel i have often been walking on eggshells.

she told me that because of traumatic experiences in her past, which she did not want to discuss in great detail, her body freezes up when sex is possible. she alluded to having been coerced into giving consent when she really didn't want to. before this, she had said she had "bad experiences" and would not elaborate further when i gently asked.

she also reminded me that i told her i was willing to wait some time to have sex and told me she feels i am now going back on that. she also said it made no sense to her why "me putting [my] penis inside [her] v@gina is such a big deal." she implied that i was fixated and that i should talk to someone about it but that ultimately "it's [my] prerogative." with the promises / future sex talk, she says i misinterpreted her words and that those weren't meant to be promises, but she's sorry that I "felt that way." mind you, I've written out her words for you verbatim.

i told her that i am deeply sorry that someone hurt her in that way and that if i could turn off the part of my brain that desires sex, i would. i also expressed to her that it's not just the physical act but the closeness and emotionally vulnerability that comes with us doing something together as opposed to what we've been doing which by comparison feels much more sterile, and that in a real way it has affected other aspects of our relationship, especially with the emotional buy in i described above. i am perpetually frustrated and don't want to set myself up for failure when i'm told sex is around the corner but it truly isn't.

we sort of ended at another stalemate because it seems to me that she does not want to seek some kind of help for this issue, and believes that time together is enough to deal with it - or in the alternative that it's something i need deal with within myself. so i am just at a total loss, because now I realize I really have no option but to wait because of her trauma and support her, or walk away and be labeled the scumbag who went back on what he said. what do you think?