I hate my life but suicide never takes.

So I'm a 30 year old M with about 7k in debt. I packed up and moved to another state with my Girlfriends. We live in a decent spot. I'm making about 1.3k a month without a job, our rent is 500 a month and I have a chance to chase my dreams. Why is this not enough. I've tried to kill myself in multiple ways. Jumped off a building. Only broke my arm. Tried to hang myself, the branch broke. OD on muscle relaxers. Heart keeps fucking beating. I shouldn't hate my life but I do. And for what ever reason I can't kill myself.