i have been NC with my mom for almost 2 years now. friday, she texted me to tell me my childhood pet was dying. my dog and i have an incredibly strong bond and when i left home she was the thing i was most upset about leaving behind. i was able to see her sunday for presumably the last time and she was in horrible condition. she has always had skin issues and chronic ear infections but when i saw her, the hair was rubbed off from her neck under her collar and there was essentially an open wound from her scratching at it. she is also \~12 years old and now has a tumor on her adrenal gland. she cant breathe and theres so much fluid in her body shes shaped like a goat. she also is unable to hold her bladder and covered in pee. while i was there i had to wipe her down and the insides of her ears were black. i completely broke down when i saw her and i am experiencing horrible grief and guilt for leaving her with them. my mom made it sound like i would be able to see her multiple times before she passes away.

the house was also filthy (i am no longer there to clean it); stepdad, step uncle, and brother were whispering and giggling in the kitchen while eating burgers and hot dogs while i am sobbing on the living room floor; slamming doors and were unable to contain two other dogs; and step uncle even turned on the tv in the living room to check which channel the yankees were on. they were completely unempathetic (which i was not expecting them to be but still) and rude.

fast forward to yesterday and today, she has evaded every request for me to see her. for context, my mother and stepdad do not work my brother is still under the age of 18 and she receives $610 a week from my dad for child support. a big part of our falling out is that 3 people are living off of that money (her, stepdad, and brother) and none was being used to support me while i was away at college. among a host of other reasons, but this was the catalyst.

yesterday she had some mystery appointment at 6:30pm that would prevent me from coming after work. she also has munchausens so i am not sure if mentioning this was a way to get me to ask about her health. i ignored it and asked if i could see her today after work around 4:30p. the answer was no because both her and my stepdad had to get my brother from work. more context they are extremely codependent and dont do anything alone. he also does not have a job and claims hes disabled. they cannot prove their disabilities and therefore do not qualify for government assistance for disability. they also dont have enough work history to qualify. she told me i was rude, disrespectful, and that she had accommodated me enough. i drove up there (2 hr round trip plus tolls), brought her a burger and pup cup, bought doggy diapers, and a bag of pig ears. genuinely all she had to do was open the door. also in the initial text it was “i figured you would want to know” and now its “be grateful because i didnt have to tell you”

i am just trying to come to terms with the fact that sunday was likely the last time i will see my pet and i am probably not going to get any of her ashes. i do understand she is using something i care a lot about to hurt/ pretty much torture me but it still really hurts.

childhood pet dying