figured out why planning anything months ahead feels like i'm lying to my partner

something clicked for me this week about why i can only plan about a week ahead. a trip, a wedding, just picturing us still together in a year, it all feels like a lie. like saying yes is leading them on.

then i noticed the rule my brain had quietly set: i'm only allowed to commit once i'm sure it'll last. once i feel the guarantee.

but nobody gets that guarantee. nobody actually knows how they'll feel in a year. everyone who's ever committed did it without certainty. so the bar isn't a normal one, it's impossible, and that's why i kept stalling and the guilt kept growing.

what's helping is treating the plan as a choice, not a report on a settled feeling. i book the thing because it points where i want to go, and i let the doubt ride along instead of waiting for it to clear.

the guilt isn't a verdict on the relationship. it's the doubt asking for a guarantee. i can feel that pull and still make the plan. turns out commitment was never about being sure. it's choosing while you're not. 🤍