I feel like I am being punished for disclosing to my doctor

Tw: medical, gyn, cancer, csa

I disclosed my abuse to my gyn. She was very good about it. She even decided not to do an exam after I showed hesitancy as she deemed it unnecessary. But she did send me for further testing becuase I had been having period pain for the past 10 years that none of my other doctors had done shit about.

The testing incidentally found an early stage of ovarian cancer. So I was immediately sent to oncology and assigned a male doctor. I tried to give him a chance, but he was awful. He did not listen to me at all. He pushed back on every decision I made about my treatment. He nor his office explained anything to me properly, I had to go on reddit to understand the procedure, risks, what to expect, and the aftercare. All they told me after a 4 hour abdominal surgery was “don’t have sex”. Which….if they had even bothered listening to me….they would know that I don’t. I found out the rest of my precautions from reddit.

I went back for a post op appointment and it was awful. I had a yeast infection (I had gotten a cold, then sinus infection, so anitbiotics), which they told me they would give me meds for, then didn’t, and then tried to tell me they never said that. So my gyn had to step in and deal with it. He never even asked consent to examine me he just…told me he was going to do it. The exam was so painful and he brought in a chaperone without telling me we was going to. The chaperone stood at my feet (not my head) so now I had 2 people staring at me.

I requested to be reassigned to a female provider. They had to get his permission to do so. They said he gave his permission. They assigned me his nurse practitioner so her treatment plan was just…his. And I don’t agree with his monotoring plan because he demonstrably told me he did not understand why my gyn ran the tests she did (you know, the ones that caught it) he would have just put me on birth control and not run any tests. He has not given me a choice in his monitoring plan. He wants to go based on “symptoms”. When he doesn’t think I ever had any when I did have cancer, so I don’t understand why he thinks that is a good idea for monitoring a notoriously asymptomatic cancer.

If the NP ever did find a reoccurance somehow, I’d still be sent to him. At the end of the appointment she encouraged me to make my follow up with him. So I didn’t actually get reassigned and I just feel lied to.

She also brought in a chaperone without asking me who also stayed at my feet and stared at my crotch. There are signs all over the office saying you can request a chaperone, but I never do. I don’t want more people there.

Then it finally clicked to my therapist. I disclosed to them so they are doing it for liability reasons. I don’t have a choice to not have a chaperone. And I just feel so defeated. Every single time I have disclosed something bad happens. I am always told that I should feel safe and whatever BS but I am not. It just gets used as an excuse to make my experience worse.

Now I just don’t want to go back. I don’t care about cancer anymore. I know I should but there is supposedly only a 2% chance it will come back. I don’t even believe they would catch it early. I just feel so alone. I have no one I can bring with me. I have no one to ask for help.