Nmom is messing with my head and I’m having a panic attack

Anxiety is racing through my body and I’m scared AF.
My traditional Asian tiger-nmom is doing it for years, voice memo with oneliners “call me back” or “I’m coming over to your place tmr”. No further info, even when I text back and ask what it is about. Ignore. I HATE THAT. Because every single time I see her name appears on my screen, my mind goes into panic mode…

9 out of 10 I can feel the anger in her tone of voice. Then when I see her face to face, it’s always “my fault”, she’s always pointing fingers, saying ugly things and making me feel utterly small, stupid and ashamed. Even though I rationally know that is not true, but emotionally… I don’t dare to stand up to her😭

The boogyman is coming tomorrow, she’ll be in my home and I’m alone and defenseless. Just like she planned, because housemates are away. And right now, I’m having a panic attack. Scared of the unknown coming my way and which psycho mood of her I’d face. I feel so silly and useless, years of therapy have prepared me for these events and yet I’m crying and panicking… feeling lost and insecure.

How do you deal with these emotions? How do you handle and talk to nparents? I feel like I’m stuck on repeat