Upcoming Call

I have an upcoming call scheduled with my undiagnosed exBPSO of 7 years and I’m terrified of the call. I don’t know what I expect from the call or what I want from it. I want answers but know that’s not closure and terrified of answers. I don’t even know if it is BP either. Any advice or encouragement would be appreciated!

Her previous psychs suspected Bipolar, but ruled it out due to not knowing history of mania. Prescribed Adderall for ADHD in September and Lexapro for GAD & Depression in March. The Lexapro sent her into what I believe is a hypomanic state. Typical irritability, lack of intimacy, wanting to be alone, increased spending, erratic sleep. Ultimately leading to a fight where we both needed space. She said she loved me but needed space to figure out her thoughts and feelings hoping it wasn’t her medication. Her doc missed her appointment. During the space, she cheated on me for a week before I confronted her. This led to the break up.

There was no angry blow out fight like I’ve seen here. She cried during break up for a little then stopped. Saying “I don’t know why, my heads so messed up.” “We’ve been disconnected for a while.” “I need to be single for the rest of year to find myself on the medication.” “My doc says I’m just stabilizing.” During talk a couple days after she said she was “numb.” When I suggested not drinking on meds she snapped at me. “That’s for my doctor to tell me not you!” She talked with her therapist about everything and they just validated her. Her psych apparently increased her Lexapro too in mid May.

Since the break up, there’s been no smear campaign or rewriting history to my knowledge. I guess I don’t know since she’s cut off people, who would tell me. She’s been black out partying, spending like crazy, I guess who knows though, she has cut off our old friends. cut off old friends, new friend group, new hair color, Pokémon card shopping.