How to heal this heartbreak of learning how men truly are

When I started to read about feminism and learned all the horrifying statistics of men, I see the patterns everywhere, in every men. Some men are worse than others but still, patterns everywhere.

Now I struggle to believe my friends who happen to be men could be good people, queer or not. I know this is fucked up. I think reading too much feminism, learning about the statistics and getting my heart broken by a man over and over again as a lover girl, has really messed my mental health. I don’t understand how women can trust that men truly like them and are not using them.

I struggle to hear about my friend’s boyfriends because I fear that the men don’t love them, I fear that they do something that my friends don’t tell about, like coercing or emotional manipulation etc. I feel like a devil when I think about this of my friends. I disagree with many of their feminist opinions that include men. I’m sad that I have no good men rolemodels, my brothers and dad are quite bad people too.

How to deal with this heartbreak that I have to live in patriarchy like this? I know my sadness is deeper now because I just ended things with a man and I was really thinking that he’d love me. Those love hormons make me dumb but I can’t help it. I’d really love to experience love from men, that someone proved me they can be good. But men don’t love women as women love men.