How to stop feeling like you're hiding a dirty secret and that you're a worthless use of oxygen?

So, I'm autistic, and my biggest fear is people finding out. I always feel like I have to hide every "unusual" part of myself, and I often live in fear that I'll be found out. I'm scared that if I say that I'm autistic then people around me will suddenly begin to think that I'm incompetent, r-worded, unfeeling or whatever the fuck people think about autism.

I just feel like less than a human. It's so exhausting, I feel like I'm looking at everyone behind a glass wall, I feel like I dont deserve to live.

I have tried therapy, meds, hobbies, exercise, healthy eating, mindfullness and while it helps once in a while, I often feel worthless. I sometimes have nightmares where everyone around me gangs up on me and excludes me, bullies me, beats me ect. I've never been bullied in real life tho, so I don't know where this intense lack of self worth comes from.