Hearing "i love you" is triggering for me and it's ruining my dating life

I, 29F, dont know if i actually understand what "i love you" means but it just brings back trauma.

Growing up, the person I heard the phrase "I love you" from the most was my mother. She was also the most abusive. She used to lock me in a room and beat me with anything she could find and threatened me if I ever said anything and she would lock me in there so my siblings and the rest of the family didn't know what was happening. She would then try manipulate me by constantly telling us that she loved us all and she would say "I love you" everyday.

I was also SA'd a lot as a child, mostly by my cousin, and we were forced to go to a church that pushed purity culture and made me feel like being the victim was my fault. And they would constantly say "we love you" or "God loves you".

My last partner also said "I love you" all the time, as early as our 2nd date. But also would manipulate me, cheat on me, take my money and coerce me into doing stuff that we set boundaries about and this was done while I was extremely intoxicated.

Now I don't know if I can date anyone because they will inevitably say "I love you" and now when I hear that I get traumatic flashbacks and I can never bring myself to say it to anyone