BF cheated on me because I never slept with him.

Title above. Not sure what to make of the situation. My ex 20(M) and I F(20) dated for about 4 months. To make a long story short, I was a late bloomer.

He wasn’t, by any means. He looked like a Ken doll. Blonde, tall, built, etc. And had dated someone for four years before me.

He was extremely understanding the entire duration of our relationship when it came to sex. Truthfully I just wasn’t ready. Grew up in a Muslim household, everything is just very foreign to me, and I’m apprehensive. (Not Muslim anymore)

But he never once made me feel pressured to do anything I wasn’t comfortable with, I trusted him and he trusted that I would be ready in time. Subconsciously something kept telling me not to go through with it. So I didn’t. And I’m sooo glad I didn’t.

Turns out he cheated on me (in March) while I was in his bed waiting for him to come home from “smoking weed” immediately when he got back he woke me up (at 6am) and told me he needed to take a shower. ever since that night the entire dynamic of the relationship changed. He was so cold, and mean. Snappy. And made me feel like I was doing something wrong. Turns out he cheated! His friends pulled me aside one day and told me. I was going crazy trying to figure out where he was that night, so they told me. He’s never admitted to it. But I believe them over him. Honestly.

We broke in April. But I’m having a really hard time with shutting him out completely. In a way he was my best friend. I don’t know how he was functioning and seeing me right after that four year relationship, because we got serious immediately after. Looking back I was naive. And dumb about it too. He was just using me as a distraction, and because i didn’t have any experience I thought that was how it went. We were inseparable after our first date. It went from there.

I’ve been going on dates. Trying to put myself out there. But it’s just so difficult. It’s so difficult trying to get to know another person all over again. All I want to do is cry and go home, or I try to imagine he is there with me. I know I did nothing wrong. He did. But I still feel like no one will ever be patient with me. Or understanding. We basically were on and off for 10 months. I don’t understand or see why anyone would wait for me, and even if they did I’m scared they would judge me. Or leave me.

How do I just drop it? Is there any advice? I blocked him on everything. I’m trying to stay strong. It’s just difficult. Thanks. I really do appreciate it.