An incident that occurred to me many years ago

Where I’m from, it’s pretty common for upper middle class/generally middle class households to either have live-in or regular maids/servants, though most families choose maids because of safety concerns relating to their children, especially if they are young. When I was around four years old, my parents hired a live-in maid who for the sake of privacy, I’ll just refer to as “K”. K wasn’t aggressive or abusive toward me in the first two year she stayed with me and my parents, she was nice and tried her best to teach me moral lessons (which is a good thing, nothing wrong with that.) She along with my maternal grandmother would stay with me at home since both of my parents were always working outside.

But when I turned six years old maybe, her behaviour changed rather drastically. She started touching me inappropriately whenever she noticed no one else was around even though I would try to push her away and tell her to stop. It was really all I could do because I only had knowledge of the “good-touch bad-touch” or something like that, even worse, she would sometimes “dare” me to kiss my thirty-something year old uncle on the lips (because she liked my uncle romantically.) Then, she started educating me on matters she claimed would be of vital importance to me when I grew up (like detailed descriptions of penetrative heterosexual sex.) Only after that would she started forcing herself on me a couple of times whenever my grandmother or anyone else wasn’t around. Although most of them were failed attempts after which she would both physically and mentally abuse me, but one evening, while my grandmother was in the bathroom; she raped me and afterwards when I was obviously devastated and mortified from what just happened, she told me to “enjoy it” because “it was going to happen to me in the future anyway”. Overall K was very bigoted about practically everything. She also constantly insult me TERRIBLY in front of my grandmother but my grandmother would never do anything about it because she was afraid of “losing K” since at that point when I grew a little older, she was technically a part of my family. But then, K started showing signs of schizophrenia and other symptoms of a mental illness. It got so terrible to the point that my parents had to let her go after she had said something really offensive to my dad. The guy who suggested her to my parents, who I’ll call M, came to my home and took her away for around 3-4 months. She had stayed in his home and was her mental health was clearly plummeting. She tried to kill herself a couple of times there too before my parents willingly LET her back into our home. Her skin had tiny bruises, half her hair was either completely gone or falling out and in general it looked like she hadn’t been taking self-care seriously. She only physically and mentally abused me afterwards, before FINALLY leaving us for good two months later. She was supposed to come back from her hometown but she never did. She already had a daughter who she’d always tell me “looked” like me whom she had to go back to, to care for her. Apparently she had two more kids with her abusive husband afterwards. She stayed even though she clearly hated him, probably to escape from her equally abusive mother.

You might be wondering, why didn’t I ever tell my parents or anyone else? They never listened. NO ONE, not even my own mother. I tried at LEAST a thousand times but they lacked the brain capacity to believe that women can be predators too, more so abuse a small girl (me). After I realised that, I started distancing myself from my mother, my father could’ve done something if he wasn’t busy like half the time back then. I would always tell my mom to simply fuck off whenever she would try to keep me “safe” from men. I love my parents but I don’t let that foreshadow the fact that they didn’t keep to safe back then, and they certainly wouldn’t keep me safe ever. I realised earlier than I should have that this is a terrible, disgusting world. Other horrible things happened to me later on in life, but this is what impacted me the most.