I just wish people criticized, learned their religion more, and were more openminded

I (18f) wouldn't really call myself an ex muslim, since I live in Indonesia and I was just Muslim from birth but never really believed in it. Thankfully, my parents were never that religious and raised me with the ideology that "there is no true right religion, and all religions just have different paths to same heaven". This is just a rant and experience I have with islam, as someone who's also queer. Even as a kid, religious people were never that kind to me, my religion teachers made me cry alot and told me "how are you gonna succeed in life if you can't read the Quran?" And I was just there dumbfounded? How is this supposed to help someone be more religious? I just find it odd and terrible most preachers and most religious Muslims practice and preach it as a thing you need to be scared of, not out of love. I was also called a kafir when I was in elementary school too?? Islam was just never brought up right to me and it pushed me away more when the people preaching it weren't accepting of people who were slower in understanding religion.

Ugh I just wish I was brought up with more good and lovely religious people instead of the dickheads that made me hate it, cause maybe I would've actually be worshipping and be okay with a god that nitpicks who they help. I also hate it when they tell me to pray and sholat 5 times, cause I feel like if it's not from a state of me actually wanting to do it? What's the point? If I don't actually love this god? What's the point?

Anyway, highschool comes around and a shitty boyfriend made me realise even more that I really am agnostic or atheistic. I can never have a set opinion of Religion and religious people, cause if I hated them then wouldn't I be just as bad as people discriminating women, lgbtq, POC, etc cause of their religion? I feel like my deep morals are just "let people do what they want, as long as they don't cause any harm" I just wished these people ALSO HAVE MY SET OF MORALS cause ugh wdym ur more scared of queer people than our shitty government? I wish people learned about their religion more, questioned it more, instead of blindly following it.

I also don't understand deeply religious people that change their religions cuz of their spouse? Like that to me means that you were never that religious all that to begin with.

Also I just wished these religious indo Muslims think of atheisism and agnosticism as another category of religion (as funny as that sounds) cuz these people just love to try and "fix" atheists and make them love god.

I feel alone in my circle of friends cuz out of all of them, only one is atheistic/agnostic in the way I am, as in deeply researching in all possibilities and well actually believing in evolution. I feel alone that I don't have anyone to talk about how I view religion with since it is such a personal and serious topic.

Not to say I hate all religious people, if they do it out of love and feel actual peace in it, who am I to judge? I envy those people cuz I truly don't feel any peace in it at all. And not to say i hate all religions, actually Buddhist or hindu beliefs are something I find myself gravitating towards, the whole karma thing Grounds me and it's ig what I believe in? Not really but I find it more beautiful than praying. I just hate it when they blindly follow religion when it's rooted in so much misogyny and horrible shit, I wish people can see that it's so dumbb😞

Anyways thanks for reading this, might update it if I wanna rant more 🫰

Also please tell me how yall view it or your experience with it, especially when ur indo ;p