I think my husband is starting to resent me because of my disorder.

I’m not sure how to start this, but basically the title. He’s starting to resent me and I feel so horrible about it.

During our relationship I’ve had many jobs, but I’ve pretty much always worked or had been actively looking for jobs.

We moved cross country in January and at first, I did plan on getting a job so I could set up the house, take care of our animals, and we were planning on having kids.

Well we went through a rough patch and I decided to hop back on birth control. For the past two months I’ve been going through a depressive state and I haven’t been keeping up with the house as well as I was. I can’t manage to get out of bed and am sleeping like 16+ hours a day.

Last time this happened it put a strain on our marriage. And now he pushing for me to get a job and upset with me for not keeping up with the house.

I get it, I really do. But I can’t do anything but blame myself. I keep repeating the same cycle. I even get up with him in the morning and go right back to sleep and then doom scroll if I’m not sleeping.

I’m really trying to push myself here. I stopped birth control again and I’m looking for a job actively. I was hired on the spot a few days ago and they said they would call me for my stoat date, I haven’t heard anything in two days. I have another interview today so we will see how that goes.

But it doesn’t matter what I’m doing, I’m always going to be this way. There will always be some way I’m lacking, because I don’t have the spoons sometimes to be the person I want to be.

When we first moved here I was doing great. Our house was spotless. And now it’s like I’m barely motivated to wash the dishes and brush my teeth every day.

I hate this, and I don’t know what to do.