Struggling to find ways to cope alone

My boyfriend told me to stop making my depression his problem, which seems like such a minor trigger, but given I already felt guilty for not being able to drag myself out of it by now it hit particularly hard.

I was diagnosed with BPD not long ago, and I’m also currently pregnant. The pregnancy has affected me so badly that I left my partner 3 months in and essentially destroyed everything. I moved states to seek respite with my parents.

My relationship has always been volatile due to both of our mental health issues, but my depression and anxiety got so bad that I was having panic attacks daily, struggling with SH and SI, feeling completely alone and unable to cope with my thoughts always leading back to ‘nobody will come to save you’ and constantly wishing someone would. Even when he was right there I felt invisible.

From his view, I wasn’t resilient enough, he’s tired of everything being the end of the world for me. All he sees is a pregnant lady who can’t take care of herself.

Does anyone have any advice on how to drag yourself out on your own? I’m scared to start medication again due to the pregnancy, and I can’t stop thinking about how my emotions are only going to become more unmanageable postpartum. I’m in therapy, with too many services to keep track of, yet I still feel completely empty and detached, and he’s made me feel like I have too much baggage to ever be loved properly.