Sorry for the crappy pic, dinner was korean bbq inspired (slow roast) pork ribs with homemade slaw & jasmine rice.

My partner and I (25) have been together for 4 years. 

We had our ups and downs but i thought we had the same values, dreams and expectations of life.

We have been living together for almost our whole relationship. 

Since i started studying again and had a pretty rough year I’ve been more dependent on him than I would like to be, which means that I’m obviously doing more chores buy i think i shouldn’t be responsible for the whole household when i’m still covering close to 50% of our bills or however much i can afford that week. 

We’re renting a house from his family so we’re able to have 2 dogs and 2 cats.

For the last few months he’s been falling for propaganda, not just criticism but full on conspiracies. 

Even when we’re having different opinions or arguments I accept that people can have other opinions, but i do like to have mature conversations (which he picks up as debating). 

I really struggle not to speak up if i hear something that is untrue, especially when it comes to stereotypes/ hate/ conspiracies towards people and never for something that they can’t change about themselves.

When i recently spoke up about feeling like i have to handle everything by myself, since he’s spending majority of his time on his play station or on social media, he blew ip saying that he just doesn’t care, he can’t handle things, can’t imagine being a husband a d father (that was a plan for the distant future, not now).

After a conversation he said he thinks we might have very different opinions, since i have a “woke” opinion when i believe feelings exist and children should be taught why they feel the way they do and how to have empathy for other people. 

Then he called himself ultra right wing but didn’t think that right wing politics would have anything to do with nazis (i’m german). 

I feel like since he started believing in propaganda without researching or second guessing he’s slowly starting to become one of those people who seem to hate their girlfriend. 

I think i might have been aware for a while but because of the animals and the dependency i was holding to delusional hope? 

I honestly can’t understand how someone that seemed to be open minded and honestly just unbothered can all of a sudden call himself hard right. 

I’m  honestly scared since i imagined we could work things out, but i can’t accept being treated like a trad wife, while not having the bills paid like in a traditional relationship (i think trad relationships should go both ways). 

I feel like he’s currently unsure about himself and the only friends he’s actively talking to are his gaming bro’s, so I’m wondering if he might be projecting.

I honestly wish there is hope for my relationship but i currently feel ultra unsafe because i have never been dependent on a person and even if i can find affordable housing, the chance of being able to take the animals is relatively slim.

I honestly don’t know what to do.

Do i move in the spare room and try to find a cheap bed, while trying to figure out our relationship? 

How can i make him open up about his feelings more or should i give since he doesn’t even seem like he wants to spend time with me ?

I grew up with neglectful parents, so I’m wondering if I accepted an emotionally neglectful relationship because of this.

Sorry for the aimless rumbling, i think my Ritalin wore off and i have been spiralling for a few days since i feel like the veil of delusion lifted. 

Ask me anything if unclear, might honestly just need to talk to someone neutral (besides my therapist) 

Feeling lost