AITAH for stopping chasing a relationship with my dad?

For context: My parents separated when I was 3. When I was 5, my dad met his current wife. She already had a daughter close to my age, and they later had my half-sister together.

When I was 9, my mother became seriously ill, and we moved back to her home country, about 1,000 km away from my dad. When I was 21, I moved back to my dad's country, where he, my sisters, and my grandmother lived.

At 29, I reconnected with my first love, who lived in my mother's country, and moved back to be with him. He already had a daughter, and I couldn't ask him to move away from his child because I knew how painful it is to grow up far from a parent.

My relationship with my dad's wife has always been difficult, and we've been no-contact for four years. However, I've never asked my dad to choose between us. I've always wanted a relationship with my father.

Since my son was born (he's now 5), my dad's wife has refused to host us during holidays. My dad lives in a much wealthier country than we do, and one week there costs us almost a month's salary, so we cannot visit often.

They did host us once after I became an adult, before my son was born. My husband came with me with his daughter, who was visiting that country for the first time. My husband took care of her, we organized our own meals during the day, we were out visiting places, and we invited my dad and his wife to restaurants. They were not expected to babysit.

After we left, my stepmother told my sisters that she had to take care of my stepdaughter the entire time and couldn't handle hosting us. That was not our experience of the holiday at all. Since then, we have never been invited to stay again.

Her reasoning is that they are too old (she's 68 and my dad is 71) to host children, and that parents don't have to host their adult children or grandchildren. She also says parents don't have to reach out to their children; children should be the ones maintaining the relationship.

I struggle to understand that because I feel like I am the only one making an effort.

My husband and I both work full-time, we are renovating our house, raising two children, and helping my mother, who has significant health problems. Despite that, I am the one who calls my dad, organizes visits, and tries to maintain our relationship. He mostly replies with emojis and rarely calls.

Over the past year, I have started pulling back because it is exhausting feeling like I am the only person trying.

Today, I called my dad to check how he was doing. He told me he and his wife are coming to my mother's country for the holidays. Her family lives about two hours from me.

However, they are staying with her family. Apparently, Stepmum thinks he is too old and tired to drive 1,000 km to see his daughter, but not too old and tired to drive the same distance to see his wife's family.

Then he told me I could come see him on Thursday (tomorrow), because the rest of the week and weekend were already planned with his wife's family.

I explained that I work full-time and cannot take a day off with one day's notice. My mother is also currently in the hospital, and I need this weekend to help her.

He said he would talk to his wife.

Later, I received a message saying I could come on Sunday instead. That would mean a four-hour round trip with two children, no possibility of staying overnight, and I would be alone with the kids because my husband has a trip planned with friends.

It is also extremely hot, and our car does not have air conditioning.

I don't want to go anymore.

And I think what hurts the most is that this isn't really about this weekend.

It feels like a lifetime of me trying to create a relationship with my dad while he repeatedly chooses not to make the same effort.

I know he is getting older, and part of me feels guilty because I know time is not unlimited.

But I am tired.

I am starting to wonder if I have spent my whole life hoping for a father-daughter relationship that simply was never going to exist.

At this point, I don't even want to go anymore.

AITAH?