Another reminder that I am inferior to others.

It's been a while, things got better but welcome again.

For some context about me: I'm 24, pretty succesful in most aspects of life. However, there is something that still makes me feel low all the time - I have never had a date in my life. Actually I have been only hugged once by a drunk girl at a party.

After getting over really rough rejection it got a little better and I started going out again. About 3 months ago my close friend invited me to a party. At this party I met a girl who was friend of my friend's fiancee and I really liked her. We chatted a bit, but because of my shyness I was too scared to make a move. She lived quite far away, so after the party ended she stayed at my friend's fiancee house. Because we live in a small village her only train was around 6PM, so my firend asked me if I want to meet again next day. I agreed. We went to a local club's football match and after we just hanged around a bit. She was really nice to me and she was the one to carry the conversation with me. I knew that's just the way she was for everyone, but I started to develop feeling for her. After lunch, my friend's fiancee asked if I can drive her home so she doesn't have to go by the train since it takes about 3 times longer than going by car. I obviously agreed.

We met again about month again. This time it was music festival we went to with the same group of friends and again I had really good time talking with her, but again I was too shy. We met few times more and after each meeting I really wanted to finally ask her out, but every time I couldn't do it.

About month ago my friend invited her again, but she said that she is going to her family member's wedding and she cant come. A week ago I met her for the last time. She was kind as usual and again I had a really good time. I again was too scared, but I decided that I will finally ask her out during our next meeting.

And now comes the reason why I'm writing this post. I waited so long that she started dating someone. My friend's fiancee told me that during this wedding she got asked out by by someone. Its been 3 weeks and they aren't officialy together yet, but they are going out on dates. It doesn't matter if they end up being couple or not. I feel terrible now. I waited 3 months and wasted another opportunity, while some other guy saw her for the first time and they are dating. This makes me feel so much worse than others. It doesn't matter that every other aspect of my life is great, when I lack in the most important part. I wish I could be like any other normal guy, but I just can't. I hate myself for that. My depression hit me again. I'm sitting alone in my room for 3rd day and I don't even want to wake up from my bed. Why can't I just be normal.

And to clarify, I'm not feeling this way over this one girl. That would be stupid. This situation is just another reminder that I am worse, that I will never be happy.