39F living with strict mum
Assalamualaikum.
I need some advice.
I'm turning 39 soon and I still live with my mum and my younger brother, who is also unmarried. My dad is in a nursing home as he has Parkinson, so he no longer lives with us.
My mum is very controlling. Sometimes she has even hit me during arguments if I argued with her. She often asks why I haven't found a husband yet and tells me that simply making du'a isn't enough and that I should go out more to meet people. At times she will tell me to go to a mosque to meet someone or go outside more to meet people. Because I wake up very early daily before fajr, I get tired easily and only have 5 hrs of sleep. So I just want to spend most of the time at home. I did go out for awhile during lunch break outside my office instead of just staying in.
I work in the office Monday to Wednesday and WFH on Thursday and Friday. Recently she has insisted that I should go to the office every day because she believes I will have a better chance of meeting a husband there. However, I live in a country where Muslims around my age are mostly already married. I've tried dating apps, including Muzmatch, but nothing has worked out.
At home, I help with groceries, errands, and many other things. I used to cook, but whatever I cooked was criticised, so I gradually stopped. Now my mum says that if I WFH, I must cook.
Over the past year I've started setting healthier boundaries after realising that many of the family dynamics weren't healthy. My mum says I've changed and I was no longer the same person.
I have thought about moving out many times, but renting here is expensive. A room costs around $850 or more a month, often with shared facilities, while renting an entire flat is much more expensive. My other two siblings are married and no longer have contact with my mum because of their own experiences with her. I don't want to completely cut ties, but I'm also emotionally exhausted living at home. I'm afraid once I step out and try to visit her, she will get more abusive.
For those who have been in a similar situation, especially from an Islamic perspective, what would you do? Would you continue living at home and be patient, or would you move out despite the financial cost and possible family conflict?
Jazakumullahu khairan.
Posted Jul 8, 2026, 12:10 PM UTC