Hi there, I know these posts exist but I hope just writing it out will help me calm down because I'm in a state of total panic. 

I've lived in this place for 14 years. 14. Alone. What you see in the picture is like 50% but you can see the other side in the back which is equally fucked. It's attached to the landlords house, but I've been incredibly careful about not letting them see it "real bad" all these years. They only come over one a year to resign the lease and I'll spend weeks slowly making it look ok (usually hiding a lot of stuff, stuffing cabinets/under bed/under covers) and they've never looked closely. It feels *full* but I've always invited them in the evening and kept low light and they are elderly and always joke I'm like family because of how long i've lived here....

It's coming to a head suddenly because they decided not to renew my lease and move their grandchild in here to go to school. I have about 7 weeks notice so that is what it is.  I'm deeply stressed about this move that I found out about 2 days ago but the situation is that today she texts asking if her and the grandkid can come over tonight just to have a peek and plan furniture and i'm like??? no???? I texted back suggesting after this weekend is better, but she hasn't answered yet so the bare minimum I can hold them off is 24 hours. I'm barely holding on by a thread. I'm like panic breathing (gulping??) I just feel like 14 years of weight is coming to a head right now... I'm a mess, I don't have a car, I'm a bigger person so I ache and tire quickly, I have two garbage bags to my name, and I'm just sitting here feeling totally overwhelmed. 

In full-panic mode, landlord coming soon, 14 years in this apartment