hello guys can u help me out on some stuff about therapy

I'm 20F i have cptsd that have controlled all my life and i got the whole combo of abuse history and so on and so on, i was also severely bullied and that has resulted in me dropping out mid junior year, and so basically this year was hard on me to say the least i have basically lost everything even my chance at getting a GED equivalent is gone this year is gone because my abusers sabotaged it by forcing me to be in a nursing program that asks for alot of efforts. (im not american btw im north african).

I'm friendless now because my friends abandoned me when i asked for a shoulder to lean on.
I don't go out because my abusers doesn't let me go out, I'm basically a disabled potato and i didn't get the chance to experience any normal things a woman can experience, no girl nights, no dating experience no friends nothiiiiiing.

my cptsd flared up on me at the start of the year, i believe it was march and ever since then the anhedonia was going craaaaazy i genuinely have no idea how have i not killed myself yet tbh.

also btw im a lesbian and an atheist in a muslim controlling household so that's another layer of hell that i wont talk about in this post but to put it simply im having another flare up and i seriously became so scared of myself and what i might do to myself when things get heavy and i have come to also realize that i definitely need medication and medical support this time, i did find a couple of psychiatrists in my area and im building up the courage to beg my dad for it but at the same time i don't want to end up dealing with a horrible psychiatrist because i swear that would definitely be my last straw.

so please if u happen to have a couple of red flags you would wish you would've told your younger self about psychiatrists please tell me about them so i can be ready, i really hope i do find a good source of help because i mean it when i say i really want to live a good life, i want to be happy and i want to feel safe enough to actually forget about every single thing i went through so it can stop haunting every second of my day, i don't even get a break in my damn sleep.

also the reason why im posting here rather in the cptsd community is because i never get any answer there and i have no idea why, but i do apologies if i broke any rule here.