Does anyone else just feel empty?

I have a 2 month old, and while the first few weeks were honestly really rough, things have gotten so much better. I truly love my baby more than anything. That being said, every day feels exactly the same, and I’m starting to feel like I’m going crazy.

Every day is just feed the baby, change diapers, wash bottles, clean the house, figure out what to cook, run to the grocery store, cook dinner, clean up dinner, bathe the baby, shower, go to bed, and wake up to do it all over again. I’ve gotten into the routine, but it’s almost too routine now. I feel like I’ve completely lost myself outside of being “Mom.”

My husband works 9 a.m. to 7:30 p.m. six days a week, so I’m alone with the baby for most of the day. By the time he gets home, I’ve been waiting all day just to have someone to talk to.

He usually spends about 30 minutes with me before getting on his PC. I don’t want to complain about it too much because he doesn’t drink, smoke, or go out. If I ever need help with the baby, he’ll get off immediately without complaining.

But sometimes those 30 minutes almost feel like he’s just doing it so he can say we spent time together before getting on the game. I know that’s probably not true, and he’s told me it isn’t, but I can’t help feeling that way sometimes. If I ask him to watch a movie or do something together, he always says yes and tells me to give him one minute. Somehow that one minute turns into an hour, and by then I don’t even want to watch it anymore because it feels like I’m waiting around for him.

I used to love gaming too. We actually bonded over it when we first got together. But toward the end of my pregnancy I completely lost interest, and I haven’t touched my PlayStation since. I guess now all I really want is quality time with him.

People always tell me, “Get out of the house!” I’ve tried, but honestly it’s just not the same alone. It’s a lot harder to do things with a baby by yourself, and it’s just lonely. Most days my only outing is the grocery store, and I go almost every day because I don’t want to carry a huge grocery haul with the baby.

We recently moved into a much better area, which I’m so thankful for, but between bills, formula, and everything else that comes with having a newborn, we don’t really have extra money for fun.

Unless I actually make plans on his one day off, he’ll spend most of it gaming too. Sometimes I even catch myself wondering if when we do go out together, he’s just waiting to get back home so he can play. He’s told me that’s not true, and honestly he never acts impatient or rushes me when we’re out, so I know it’s probably just my own insecurity talking.

The happiest I’ve been since giving birth was when we went to the park together as a family and had lunch. Watching my baby squint at the sun made me so happy for some reason. It wasn’t expensive or anything special. It was just us together. I realized that’s what I miss most.

I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else has felt this way. I love my baby with my whole heart, and I wouldn’t trade him for anything. But I miss feeling like my husband and I are a couple sometimes instead of just two people passing each other while raising a baby. Does this stage get better? How did you get through