Wife seems to be only getting worse…

For the past 2 years my wife has been dealing with joint pains in bother her shoulders and now in one of her legs she has an issue where jostling or turning her leg in most ways causes her pain. This along with stomach issues brought on by her gastric bypass surgery, as well as bouts of low blood sugar. We have no insurance coverage right now so getting the knee looked at will cost around $1k just to get her seen. She also has been through it with multiple strokes, thankfully no significant deficiencies, but I think needless to say sex has been far and few between.

On top of all this I lost my job with GM and my pay went from $160k a year to $17 an hour. The benefit of it is my health has improved due to more strenuous activity. As a result my libido has shot through the roof. I have been doing everything I can to stave off any need to step out really. I mean I can’t deny that this account is tantamount to cheating on some other level. But she doesn’t know about it and I try to keep it that way.

I pay her attention and live as much as I can possibly do. I feel like my life is slowly unraveling. I cannot find any job that even comes close to what I had, and with her failing health this is slowly going south for me.

All that said yea I want some intimacy, I want someone to touch me. And before you ask both shoulders are in pain so she cannot do anything such as help me expel my need etc. (I’m suddenly not sure on the group rules for using much more…interesting verbiage) and loving on her honestly feels more like I’m making love to a sex doll. She can’t move and when she does it 9 time out of 10 will hurt.

She has suggested that I find some side action. As a bisexual man with little qualms about such things, I would almost certainly accept the premise. However I know she has a huge problem in the past with her boyfriends cheating on her, and in one case a guy who turned out gay on her. So it was difficult enough for her to understand that I am bisexual. She is constantly worried that I am going to go gay and leave her. Also I had started the relationship as an open one, and caught her crying more than once during the first year of our marriage and I decided to call it quits. I care for her too deeply to hurt her, especially just for some sex.

I asked her what the rules would be. She said she didn’t know. I asked her do I need to ask permission each time I find someone? She said she doesn’t know if she wants to know. Everything in me is worried that this is an inadvertent trap. That is to say that it will destroy our marriage if I buy into it. Just setting aside the fact that I have little resources to implement this endeavor, it would be nice to flirt and possibly make a sexual connection with someone. I would be upfront of course, I’m not about to do that to someone. But I dunno. Every day it’s a fresh issue. Simone more for me to worry about. This idea while a wonderful thing for her to offer seems like a bad idea.