I know this is all wrong but I need to hear more humbling thoughts on this. What is TL;DR? Why do I need it?

I met this guy when he was 15 years old. I was 23 years old back then. He clearly saw me as someone who has experience and resources for the people of his age.

I got to know each other from my friend, saying that he is from her class and might need some help because of his family issues that was going on at that time. His parents are going through a divorce.

She asked me to hang out with him and take him when I go hiking as I usually spend time doing that some local community. So, we ended knowing each other. We went hiking together one time and he became attached to me, wanting to call me every day, telling me about his life and interest.

At that time, I was going through a heartbreak with my former boyfriend and feeling really empty. So, I had to admit that him wanting to call me every night made me feel less lonely and help me to get away my pain. Then, we ended up hanging out together and occasionally hiking.

After 6 months, he had to go back to his hometown and the connection became distant. He asked me out, but I said, “no” because of our age gap and I know that he can’t handle that in the long term.

So, I told him to wait for two years as he now turned 16. But, he called me every night to keep in touch. At this point, we are not in the relationship, but he can’t find a girlfriend as he has me. At least, it seemed like that.

Then, nearly almost a year went by, we are still in contact, calling each other every single night. I get to know about his life, routines, and his life status. And, we met again in real life. At this point, he made a promise like we’re in the relationship and went for it.

Recently, around 4 months ago, he was fortunate enough to find a girl around his age. In the normal relationship, this would be seen as cheating. I couldn’t stop myself that even though I know it deep down I can’t depend on him emotionally for the future, but I was panic to know about it.

I called him out a cheater and demanded to cut tie with that girl. He turned out to be a different person I didn’t know. There is a reason I feel attached to him and waited his call every night. He is mature than his age and well-spoken. We came from different backgrounds and ethnic groups. His ability of speaking and describing things is pretty much high. He can spend hours just by taking about him and make it really interesting. I also have some other men in my life, who are either older, same or younger than me - at least 3 years, don’t have this kind of ability.

So I was scared that he would leave me. I made him block her and end their connection. But, he turned out to be very sad and told me that people can change. So, after spending two months, giving myself a hard times and to him. I decided to end things with him and go to be with her.

I know this is the best thing I can do. But, at the same time, this also will leave like a history in my life. Am I a pedophile? Certainly, I don’t feel any attraction from teenage boys. I don’t want anything from them. But, I don’t know. I spend almost two years with him and that’s what made me feel irritating.

I feel regret not leering him go once I got to know about the other girl. I feel regret making him block and suffer him in those two months. I feel I was too controlling as he told me during those times, that I was manipulative and make people believe in me. I can make people change their mind, but it’s too subtle like not everyone can see it but only him.

I feel regret about it now. I feel regret that he will think of me as someone who controlled him in his teenage years and chase after him.

How can I do better?

box
---

**TL;DR;** : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, just copy the text in gray box. Is this going the right way?