24 [TF4M] #Czechia - Looking for true, traditional, conservative masculinity. Any traditionalist Catholic (tradCath) men?

It must be around a year and a half ago now; I was out with a few friends, and encountered an acquaintance after a very long time. We discussed for quite a while, and eventually wound up in a political debate. This conversation with a self-described traditionalist was one of the first impulses that caused the gradual change in my worldviews - I was on the left, as I am quite critical of liberal modernity, yet I was also dissatisfied with the left, and he made me realize the left doesn't have a monopoly on the critique of modernity.

He recommended some authors for me to read, although this is a good place to admit I haven't gotten around to reading them yet; the very realization and a removal of a certain mental block, however, helped me slowly and continually revisit and reevaluate my worldviews and values. I have come to see the value in tradition, from faith to traditional relationships based on masculinity and femininity, that masculinity and femininity both have their roles, values, and ideals to fulfill, that a certain traditional hierarchy is a net positive for societal stability. However, one problem remained.

I can't fulfill my role. I am simply not manly, and never have been; one could even say I'm the opposite of the ideal of traditional masculinity. I am not particularly manly in stature, height, or my physique and looks, and in fact I am attracted purely to such masculine men. My personality has always been more caring, supporting, allowing myself to be led and protected, rather than the ideal of the provider, protector and leader, and as for my skills, they too lean rather towards cooking, caring and nurturing. So what's my place?

Of course, I realize I am biased and it is only natural I am asking these questions because of my disposition and my situation. I understand that it can be strange for someone to watch a person try and make conservatism and gender change compatible, and that it seems like contorting ideology to fit what I want to think... And maybe it is. I'd be happy to be proven wrong, because the conclusions I came have an implication of transitioning, which has become an attractive prospect and a solution, but also one which I am afraid to make reality because of a simple issue - "what will others say".

The mainstream position on the right isn't very accepting of this issue, but I can't help but find it a bit reactionary in the sense that it is simply a reaction against something perceived as new; however, I don't think we can deny the existence of these phenomena of so called "gender nonconformity", going as far back as the Romans and Greeks. The right's position has been rejection, but perhaps a different position should be formulated, in opposition to the left's, which states that gender is a social construct and gender roles merely a meaningless tool of the patriarchy, thus seeking to dissolve the traditional meanings of timeless concepts. However, a gender change, on the basis of the fact that a person feels so strongly they need to embrace completely the role of the opposite gender, implies the existence of traditional masculinity and femininity, implies that they are innate, and implies that it is binary. Perhaps seeing it as a matter of only biology is passé, and it is something more metaphysical, more spiritual. Afterall, even the Romans saw homosexual relations in the ancient world in a masculine/feminine dichotomy. Perhaps the right should continue to champion conformity, but in the spiritual sense, not just a biological one.

Where does that leave me? Well, if I am to "demand" conformity, I should also submit myself to it, and the logical way out of my situation is transitioning and marrying a man with similar views - not just a right-winger who tolerates it, but one who sees things the same way as I do. It remains a fantasy, because I am very afraid of taking those first concrete steps and dealing with the reactions of others... But in a situation like mine, isn't it better to let myself be guided by a steady manly hand, anyway? I wish I could make this a reality - meet a man, fall in love, transition, and become a traditional feminine wife of a very manly and conservative man.

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So what am I looking for? I hope you read all the way to hear, because I'm looking for a deeper discussion on the topics I brought up, whether you agree or disagree with my reasoning. I'm curious to hear why, and what solution to my situation you would recommend. I am looking forward to your message - and please, a little longer than just 'hi'! Introduce yourself a little and write what you think about my post.