Very confusing

Everything about this situation feels really complicated and I don’t really know what to do about it.

Im a woman married to a man but Ive dated women in the past and he is very accepting of that. He has given me a pass with women if I want but Ive never taken him up on it because Im not the kind of person who can handle the stress of non-monogamy if Im being honest. I have bad ocd and even the thought of navigating those situations makes me anxious.

But long story long; Ive had a friend for a little less than ten years that I consider one of my best friends, like she was literally in my wedding. When we met she identified as straight. After a year or two being friends she started dating women and we continued being just friends. We have had a flirty friendship but it was always goofy/lighthearted and it never crossed into physical intimacy until recently.

After I got married the dynamic with her started to feel tense. She blacked out at a party a few months ago and told me she’s attracted to me/has a crush on me.

I tried to talk about it after when she was sober and she reassured me that it wasn’t serious on her part and that she was happy I found my husband etc. and she was just drunk that night. fast forward to current, we got drunk together out of town and the situation escalated to us borderline hooking up.

I tried to have a conversation about it the next day with her and she was very non-chalant about it like “Im single? Its fine?” She asked if I was okay because my situation is different being that Im married. I told her technically I have a pass but I would obviously have to be honest w my husband and she agreed. So basically I was freaking out until I saw my husband. I told him about it and even his reaction was very nonchalant??? Like he didn’t even care and was happy it was someone I felt safe with…

I genuinely don’t know how to be non-chalant about this. We’ve been friends for so long, I really care about her and love her a lot already. I have feelings for her, adding the physical element makes me want to pursue more with her but I cant just ignore the fact that Im married either. I don’t understand how Im the only one in this situation freaking the fuck out??

I want to talk about it more bc I feel like she’s not being honest when she says it means nothing to her and that she has no feelings about it. I just want to cry, I love my husband and don’t want to lose him but I also love my friend and don’t want to lose her either. Im in full gay panic and cant keep my cool about any of it. HELP !!!