Not sure how to move forward

I couldn’t pick a flair because it seems to touch on a couple of subjects?

Anyway, my diagnosis is very old. From the 90s when it was still ADD. I stopped taking Ritalin after being on it for about 5 years because it was doing things to my heart rate. I think I tried something else but ultimately didn’t want to take anything at the time (I was in middle school) and was allowed to stay off as long as I kept my grades up. I was able to do that, and graduated high school and college without anything.

Over time I became convinced that I had been misdiagnosed. I started rethinking that a few years ago when I started teaching. I hadn’t realized how many other symptoms were part of ADHD; I was always just told that I couldn’t focus which is a the symptom I have the most coping skills for.

Now that I am a teacher I am drowning, suffering from burnout, and all the symptoms that I have always had problems with- organization, prioritizing, time management, have become much worse. Even the focus is now worse too, probably due to being burned out. I’m trying to get into a different job but in the meantime I need to survive and pay bills. I have finally decided to reach out about a prescription again.

I have to wait until August to see my primary, when I am already back at work. I’m afraid of what she’ll say; I think I can bring in old documentation of my medical record and have previously discussed and shut down discussion about ADHD drugs so I know she won’t see me as a drug seeker. I actually have a mild phobia of pills due to other bad experiences. I guess I’m just afraid of being denied help, or them focusing on my depression and anxiety diagnosis first. Depression was diagnosed right after I stopped Ritalin as a kid and ADHD was never mentioned again until I brought it up as an adult which I think is super odd. Not interested in SSRIs at all. I do therapy and Buspar. Tbh I wonder if I also qualify as autistic too but I’m not looking to add that to my chart either.

Any ideas of what I can do in the meantime or how to navigate the appointment to get help ASAP? I’m on the waitlist. I need to be applying for more jobs and organizing my house but I still feel depleted no matter what my mood is. I can’t pick the order to do things in and forget what I’m doing very quickly if I leave the room to check laundry, use the RR etc.