Feeling severely anxious

My brother commit 5 years ago. I know that we grow bigger around it, but my dad commit suicide 2 days ago and it feels so much worse than last time. He went missing for a whole day first, the police were so proactive looking for him within hours, and found him the next day. I just keep wondering did he do it right away? Was it in the middle of the night? Did he sit there struggling with it? How long had he made his mind up? when i spoke to him the night before he went missing i KNEW. Id never seen that look on someones face, and i forgot to call him back later that night. I feel so guilty, i was always the one he called about his depression, and i forgot to fucking call him back knowing he was suicidal. I regret it so bad, I wish id called him a second time and really tried to get through to him because it fwlt like I was always the one who could convince him to stay. I told him to give it 365 more days and the way he looked at me, I just knew. I miss my fucking dad. Idk what to do or where to go from here without my father. He was battling a darkness but was such a light alot of times. I JUST took him to his first edm festivak with me & I just wish i couldve made him feel that alive just one more time. Idk.