I (24F) feel stupid for being attached to my friend who keeps repeatedly hurting me. Advice on how to move on?

Hello. I am 24F, and I’m honestly embarrassed to even be writing this. So I’ve known this man (35M) for about three years. We met through a band, but over the last year we became really close. We make music together, we’ve shared a lot of great memories, and I genuinely love him as a friend. He tells me he loves me too. We’ve cried together, he’s been there for me during some really difficult moments, and sometimes he can be amazing friend. I AM SO SAD AND CONFUSED.

He is, however, also stupidly unreliable. He’ll make plans with me, tell me he’ll be there, and then disappear without saying anything. Sometimes I won’t hear from him for days. He says he never does it intentionally and just gets distracted, but it’s happened so many times that I’ve lost count. Every time this shit happens I tell myself I’m done letting it bother me, but every time it still hurts.

About six months ago, I made the stupid decision to sleep with him. I was super fucked up drunk, I figured shit it happened once, and it just continued from there. I wasn’t looking for a relationship. Just like a FWB. I genuinely thought we had a mutual agreement that we were just having sex and that’s it.

Recently, our mutual friend (38M), who has known him wayyy longer than I have, sat me down because he cares about me and said I deserve to know the truth. He told me our friend said to him that I’m a shithead because I “let him come over and fuck me.” I was PISSED but felt like a fucking fool. How could I not have seen this?? He warned me that this is a pattern he’s seen before and he’s extra pissed because he’s doing it to me specifically, who is supposed to be like a little sister to them. I asked him if it was my fault and if I’m a dumbass for falling for it. He said no, because our friend is good at what he does and he knew how to sweet talk his way into sleeping with me. It wasn’t because he wanted to sleep with me, it was to see if he COULD sleep with me. I do have sexual trauma and emotional neglect issues. I know it’s because he fills this void in me that I keep coming back. After I found out what he said though, I haven’t slept with him. I don’t want this for myself anymore.

I’m not asking whether he’s a bad person or not. What I want to know is, how do I move on? Why do I feel so attached to someone who repeatedly hurts me? Why do I keep hoping this time will be different? How do I distance myself? :( If anyone has been through something similar, I’d really appreciate hearing what helped you let go.

TL;DR: I’ve been close friends with a 35M for a few years. He’s very inconsistent, he disappears, breaks plans, and repeatedly hurts me, but every once in a while he’s an amazing friend which keeps me attached. I fucked up and agreed to sleep with him, and I recently found out he apparently has no respect me for me anymore. A mutual friend warned me this is a pattern with him because he cares about me. I feel hurt, embarrassed, and stupid. I’m trying to understand why I’m so attached to someone who keeps hurting me and how to distance myself and move on.