Mental health- wonder if it’s not simple depression

Hey everyone, I know I need to go to my doctor and I will be booking an appointment.

I’ve been struggling with periods of low mood my whole 20s, for most of the time I feel unmotivated, despairing, low self esteem. I’ve tried to help myself through therapy and other things but nothing seemed to help. I was prescribed something but I worry about taking them

But I’ve noticed sometimes I have a month of feeling phenomenal. Like nothing can get me down, confident, sexy, happy. During those times I think about how often I feel depression and think ‘wow no nothing to be depressed about, don’t go back to that state.’ The period of feeling like that doesn’t last long

And currently I’m in my usual depressed state.

I’ve started to notice these patterns and wonder if it sounds like bipolar disorder which is ever so worrying for me. I wonder if when I feel good it’s not normal, and I’m actually experiencing mania. But in a mild form, like I’m not impulsive, I just feel very motivated and happy

Maybe it’s simple low mood followed by boosts in energy but I’m just wondering

Right now I’m in such a low period, I feel like everyone hates me at work, nothing I do is good enough, I feel like my managers pick up on my mood and use it against me

Any thoughts?