Okay, I don't know whether this is the right place for me ranting but I won't find a better one x)

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Uncertainty with my gender identity, body dismorphia, no attention span, needing help with even the simplest decisions...

These are all things that are very present in my life.

...but I feel like I'm just pretending with EVERYTHING. I'm convinced I could press an imaginary button and get rid of all my "problems", because they aren't real. I could live the perfect life if I wanted to, so why don't I press the button? What is stopping me from getting rid of things that don't exist in the first place?

I see so many people with real problems, and I am the lucky one who can exist in peace. So why do I create my own problems? Is it because I want to fit in?

I know it's untrue but I'm somehow convinced that the rules of psychology don't apply to me. Not to make me a better person! Rather because I cannot imagine even having any real problem. Whatever it was, I could always get rid of it with a simple snap of a finger. In short, I am not able to have a problem.

...

It just takes somebody to ask me how I am and I instantly feel like I'm faking everything. I don't even need to say anything. Whatever I say won't be true. I can only lie because I myself don't even know how I am. I guess I'm existing.

It gets even more difficult with things that actually matter in my life: For example, a few days ago people in my class asked me why I present so feminine. Well, what should I say?? I don't know! Help! I then felt so dumb for not being a normal masculine guy. Because they are right, why do I do the things I do? Why don't I act normal? Am I trying to be special? I told them nothing because it'd feel like lying no matter what I say.

Please tell me, can you relate?

I honestly don't know how to title this.. (picture unrelated)