"It sounds like a cult." My partner is finally seeing his family for what they are.

I grew up with around narcissistic abuse, then spent 5 years in an abusive relationship with a narcissist, so I know the patterns well.

My current partner is so far from a narc it's not even funny, but he struggles with substance abuse and addiction and (you guessed it) comes from narc parents (though he still hasn't fully realized it). I always considered myself to have a good relationship with his family. I attended every event, weekly lunches, family vacations, and treated his nieces as my own. I was also fairly close with his siblings. However, the control element was always there. They are very rigid thinkers, and anyone who disagrees with them is OUT. I always knew to tread carefully.

He didn't realize how unhealthy his family system was until about a week ago, when they finally turned on me. They've all come together blaming me for his addiction and everything that's gone wrong, and are now banding together to "protect him from someone like me."

For context, they're super Christian MAGAs with an extremely judgmental and controlling view of anyone who isn't like them or doesn't agree with them. His father was physically and emotionally abusive, and the manipulation has become so normalized that I'm always the odd one out for not laughing when they tell "funny stories about when Dad punted me down the stairs like a football when I was 5."

They pushed us for years to get married because it was "the Christian thing to do." After six years together, we finally decided to get married this summer (on our own terms). Then in January, my partner relapsed and went to stay with his parents for what was supposed to be a week but turned into months.

While he was gone, our apartment became overrun with rodents due to another tenant (I'm talking HUNDREDS of them). I had to move out quickly, lived in hotels for a while, and dealt with the entire mess alone. My partner didn't help physically or financially and took no ownership that it was his home too.

After that, I decided it was best to postpone the wedding and focus on healing and sobriety instead. To his credit, he now realizes how badly he handled things, is trying to repair the damage, and we've started couples therapy. He still lives with his parents full-time, while I'm staying with my mom.

We used to go to his parents' house weekly for church and lunch, but his family gradually stopped speaking to me or acknowledging me. When I did show up, I felt completely unwelcome, so about 2 months ago, I stopped attending.

About a week ago, I was removed from the family group chat, and his sister told him I wasn't invited to his mom's 60th birthday (which they were throwing at his house) and to "ask Mom why." When he chose not to attend without me, the whole family ganged up on him. His brother called him a "piece of shit" and told him to "man the fuck up and get rid of me" because I'm "no good for him." His mom said I "am not Christian" and that we are "unequally yoked," so she has to do what she needs to do to protect her family. His parents, siblings, and their spouses have all embraced this narrative.

The ironic part is that while I'm not especially religious, I attend church with my partner regularly and have gone to his addiction meetings with him every week for YEARS -- something NO ONE in his family has ever done.

In therapy, our therapist said flat out that "it sounds like a cult," and my partner was completely shaken. I know what it's like to have that realization about your own family, so my heart breaks for him. The therapist also said, "You have to find a way to move forward, and you have to realize that you can't take everybody with you." That hit both of us hard. They also suggested he get his own place, which would be ideal if addiction weren't still part of the picture.

While I'm not "surprised," I never thought it would get to this point. Now I'm honestly afraid of them. I'm afraid of what happens next if he can't get away from them, but he's still struggling with addiction and we're still trying to rebuild our relationship. It's just a heartbreaking situation all around.

TL;DR: I grew up around narcissistic abuse, and after years of supporting my partner through addiction, his controlling, abusive family has made me the scapegoat. After I postponed our wedding to focus on his recovery, they blamed me for his addiction, excluded me from the family, and pressured him to leave me because I'm "not Christian enough." Our therapist said the family system "sounds like a cult," and it's the first time my partner has recognized how unhealthy and enmeshed his family is. Now he's torn between his recovery and a family actively trying to isolate him from me, and I'm scared about what happens next.