Losing my mother a year after my brother

I developed an anxiety disorder after a mental break I suffered about 4 years ago and it's been tough getting to terms with it since. I have depression alongside it but my wife and her parents have/had been my support pillar. My brother essentially drank himself to death on boxing day 2 years ago, he passed suddenly and it shocked us all but especially my mother. The year following and a week after his birthday she took her own life. I have struggled with the loss of both since but recently it's been very hard to feel anything other than miserable and anxious all the time. We lost my mother in law last year and also my little cat who was my constant companion for years - earlier this year. I am waiting for mental health support but I feel like I am being pulled under by this misery. I want to be strong and remain upbeat and supportive of my wife but I just can't force myself forward anymore, I am drowning and I don't know how to get better or move forward. For some added context my father is useless and a waste of space, largely the reason for my brother's mental health problems and he did not support my mother at all during the loss of my older brother. I have great friends and my wife is my best friend and my rock, I have games and hobbies that I know I enjoy but can't bring myself to enjoy them now. I have also been disabled for almost 5 years now due to a herniated lumbar disc that did not heal fully or properly resulting in reduced mobility and near constant nerve pain in my lower back. I just want to feel like myself again, I can't live like this day in and day out, I am tired of feeling miserable even though there are great things in my life. I just wanted to share and try and get out how I am and have been feeling. I hope everyone else is taking care of themselves and working through their own grief and challenges as best they can.