Back on my pre pregnancy meds.

I've been off my adderall for about 11 months now. I did not realize how poor my mental health had gotten during pregnancy and after welcoming my LO into the world. I was combo feeding up until two weeks ago but stopped pumpimg due to under supply and LO's reflux. Today I went back on my adderall. And the difference is amazing. I was getting paranoid, more fatigued than usual, and short tempered. No depression, no increase in anxiety. The anxiety was already there. I was having scary intrusive thoughts about the health and wellness of my baby. Today, reduced anxiety, no intuitive thoughts, no paranoia, and my fatigue level feels manageable.

I wish I had stopped pumping earlier. I wanted to give my LO the best start to life I could give him. I didn't realize taking care of myself was a part of that. I did not want to give up pumping, but giving it up and getting back on my pre pregnancy meds was a missing peice in the taking care of myself puzzle.

I have more patience and so, so much less frustration. I have the motivation to read to him more and to interact with him more. I had gotten to the point of being so tired I was staring into space while holding him and not interacting as much as I wanted to with him.

That's all I have to say on the subject, I think. I hope everyone is trying to find the time to care for themselves. I know it's hard with a newborn. Try and alow yourselves some grace.