I don't know what's wrong with me anymore.

Ever since I was a kid, I've always been quiet. I don't think I'm really an introvert because I've always wanted close friends and wanted to feel like I belonged somewhere. But whenever I'm with a group, I still feel like an outsider. I laugh and joke around, but deep down I just feel alone.

I've never had a best friend. I've never had someone I could completely be myself around. I always end up changing the way I act depending on who I'm with. I hide how I actually feel because I'm scared people won't like the real me.

I'm awkward even when it's just me and one other person. I don't even know how to have a normal conversation sometimes. I barely talk to my own mom for more than a couple of minutes.

I used to think this was just how I was, but lately it's getting worse.

I'm tired all the time. I don't want to get out of bed. I'm starting to hate work, and I've lost the motivation to do anything. I used to care if I did a good job, but now I just... don't. Whatever happens, happens.

The only way I can describe how I feel is like when you're a kid and your cousins come over for a sleepover. You're so happy they're there, but when they leave, you get that heavy feeling in your chest. That's what I feel almost all the time now.

I know people have bigger problems than I do, and I'm not looking for sympathy. I just wanted to get this off my chest because it's starting to affect my daily life.

Has anyone else felt like this? If you have, how did you deal with it?

I used help to write this because I'm terrible at putting my feelings into words.