Rant: Feeling guilty for letting go

I’m almost 27 years old, and my parents have struggled with substance abuse for as long as I can remember. It started with prescription pills, then alcohol and marijuana, but eventually escalated to meth. I don’t think they’re actively using meth anymore, but I truly believe my dad has developed schizophrenia or some kind of severe psychosis after years of all of the substance abuse.

Over the last two years, his mental health has declined dramatically. He’s convinced the police are after him because of his past drug use. He believes they’re talking to him through fans, sound machines, and other things around the house. He thinks they’re following and spying on him everywhere and says they’re telling him he’s going to end up dying in prison or he’s about to be arrested. He hardly showers or leaves the house and overall neglecting his health. To him, all of this is completely real. He denies current drug use but continues to drink. The psychosis has completely consumed him and it’s the only thing he will talk about. He will call me first thing in the morning and tell me he’s about to be picked up by the cops and start saying his goodbyes.

He’s been to substance abuse treatment three times in the last two years, but every time he’s gotten out, he’s gone back to drinking within a few weeks. He has seen a psychiatrist and was prescribed an antipsychotic medication, but he refuses to take it. Recently, he lost his job because his paranoia started affecting his attendance and performance at work. Now he has no health insurance because they relied on my dad’s job, and without insurance, getting him back into treatment or consistent mental health care feels nearly impossible.

I just can’t believe how out of control everything has become. I look at him now and barely recognize the person he used to be. At the same time, I’m 36 weeks pregnant with my first baby. I want to focus on my husband and becoming the kind of parent I always wished I had growing up. I know it isn’t my responsibility to save my dad, and realistically, I don’t think I even can. But carrying that guilt is so hard because I’m terrified he’s going to end up homeless, in jail, or dead. I worry about him constantly.

I guess I’m posting because I feel completely lost and want to (sadly) relate. I have never posted on Reddit before but these threads are the only thing that makes me feel sane about the whole situation. I hate that so many people can relate but it does bring me comfort that I’m not the only one who has or is going through this. I am heartbroken but I am also so angry. Has anyone known anybody whose substance abuse led to severe paranoia or psychosis? Was there anything that you or someone did to make it better? If you made it this far thank you for reading my rant.