5 minutes changed how i survive the overwhelming moments as a mom. here’s what i do.

i want to start by saying that i am easily worked up, and not a calm person by nature. i struggle to handle chaos calmly. i am the mommy who used to clench her jaw when the second kid starting crying because the first kid was crying and too loud... etc etc. i would try to just shut it out, go cold because it was teh only thing keep ing me from just losing it and not being a ble to handle it. i always felt a little guilty because i knew that my kids deserved better.

i went to therapy and starting learning about the nervous system. i started reading about the nervous system (Heal Your Nervous System: Dr. Passaler), watching videos, looking for resources... not because i’m the super wellnessy person, just because i was desperate and googling things at midnight like “why do i feel insane by 4pm every day.” turns out there is actual science behind why moms who are touched all day and surrounded by noise and constant need hit a wall that feels physical. your body is literally running out of capacity to regulate. it’s not a character flaw, its just part of how we are wired as humans. this made me feel a little better. but theres more!

so i started experimenting with really short exercises. like embarrassingly short. 5 minutes or less. some my therapist sent me (my favorite youtube channel), others I found through books and apps (calm is popular and has long meditations, MommyHub is newer and has short targeted ones that seem more reasonable). and i want to share what has been helping me because i’ve seen a lot of posts from moms, and have lots of mom friends, who are suffering. I think moms are special and just want to help moms feel empowered to be better mothers and more grounded mothers ya know?

the one i use most:

it’s a breathing pattern. inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 6. the longer exhale is the important part. it activates your parasympathetic nervous system, which is the part that tells your body it’s safe to stop fighting. i do this sitting literally anywhere. kitchen floor. bathroom. car. eyes open or closed. 3 to 5 rounds and something in my chest physically loosens. the first time i tried it mid chaos i didn’t believe it was doing anything and then my shoulders dropped and i realized they’d been up near my ears for probably 3 hours. I also heard of viking breathing recently which is one that i haven't tried but I want to.

the one that works when i’m past the point of breathing:

when i’m so far gone that focusing on breath feels impossible, i do a grounding thing instead. i find 5 things i can see, 4 i can touch, 3 i can hear, 2 i can smell, 1 i can taste. i know this sounds kindn of basic and like it would do nothing, but it genuinely interrupts the spiral. what it’s doing is pulling your brain back into your senses and out of the panic loop it’s stuck in. my version is messy and fast. i don’t do it perfectly, just the best i can.

the one i do before the hard moments now:

this one took me longer to build. it’s a body scan. just 2 or 3 minutes, usually during the baby’s first nap of the day. i close my eyes and just notice where i’m holding tension. jaw, shoulders, hands. and i consciously let it go. it sounds too simple to matter. but i think of it like starting the day with a bit more room in the tank. i spiral later in the day now instead of earlier and that small shift has changed a lot. its also really nice to do before bed and just helps calm me down and loosen up so i can fall asleep quicker cause I hate being so tired and then getting more angry with myself for not falling asleep quickly when I know I need the sleep.

i’m not a different mom. my kids are not different kids. our house is still loud and chaotic and some days i still hit the wall hard. but i have things that are helping me now now and i didn’t have that before. and they all take less time than scrolling instagram. and i feel like every step towards a calmer mom is better and this helps me do that.

if any of this resonates i’m happy to share more about what i’ve learned. also curious what other moms have found that actually works in the trenches, not in theory.