dodged bullet or missed shot

I get anxious when I know you're coming. I wanna look as sharp as possible. and when I speak I don't wanna mess anything up It's like I'm rehearsing.I know you wouldn't even care if I messed my speech or had messy hair. the second I see you everything goes blank None of that even mattered. you make me nervous in a good way. wanna be as proper as possible for the person i truly care about. Some days reality kicks in knowing we're without each other and now I'm getting the moments and the memories we shared the talks.the laughs the funny ones the ones that don't matter, but they still do random plans.The long distance lovers probably hurt the most.Just wanting to be there to take care of you. Your needs the daily essentials. Knowing it's not me keeping company and somebody else's is thats tough to take in. All you can do is accept it and take those moments we did share with me. I appreciate it whatever was left this bond be shared was different than most and I know I won't find it anywhere else. It's not something you look for and replace wish we could go back to the beginning. Can you find out where things went wrong cause I'm having a hard time it's OK we got space but I never wanted it maybe you did respect your choices.