Torn about ex

My ex husband and I talk about me being his sex slave. I asked him about something he wants to do and he told me he wants to put a plaid bag over my head and fuck my ass.

I told him i should probably be restrained.

I know it's not advisable to actually do it but i can't stop getting turned on by it. I want him to degrade me as he does it.

We also talked about him slapping me everywhere, body and face, even punching me, spitting on me. I want to hold my tits up for him as he punches and bites them. I want to scream and cry.

Sometimes he would dig his nail right into my clit. I would cry and say ow and he'd push it in harder and sometimes he'd finger me like that. Id beg him to stop. (He would check in with me at first). But after a while, he stopped checking in and just told me to shut up. One day i said thank you and it had him do it harder. He stopped digging into my clit and fisted me.

I begged him to "punch my insides". It hurt so much but even typing this I'm so wet.

I can't have a relationship with him. We differ on fundamental life views but i crave this treatment from him so much.

There's a part of me that knows he resents me for being a bitch sometimes, even though he says there isn't, and i want him to take it out on me.

Is that bad? Unhealthy? Can anyone relate?