Five Hobbies That Can Help Meghan Pass The Time Right Now

Well Meghan, let’s face facts. There is nothing good out there for you right now. No bolthole in Portugal, no photo op with Charles. Nothing. Just a tsunami of bad news, an unstable husband and a social media army of people going in for the kill.

But this is can’t be resolved with the usual fluff articles with “insider knowledge” or hazy pictures of industrial fruit slurry. Releasing images showing the backs of your kid’s unbrushed heads won’t help.

You need to lie low, although that goes against your every impulse you have. You want to issue a clap back, post a confusing photo or call the paps about a shopping trip. Maybe all three. But you don’t need media. You need to sit down and shut up.

To help, try to keep your mind and your hands busy with something that doesn’t result in media coverage, excessive wine consumption or both. I recommend taking up a new hobby. Here are five that might work for you!

Learn to play an instrument- if you are so damn great at literally everything you do, this should be a breeze! Please don’t settle for something typical like the piano or guitar, though. Since you love using mouthpieces all the time in the media, try a brass instrument the has one of it’s own like the tuba, sousaphone or flugelhorn!

Try a puzzle - This option would not only pass the time, but also help you figure out the nature of public image and keeping a story straight. Puzzles require that individual pieces fit together naturally in order to make sense. You have to pay attention to what goes where or the whole image looks silly and wrong. Kind of like all your stories and statements that don’t add up. Something to think about.

Do some home improvement - That rickety “bridge” in your yard could use some fixing. And if the rumors are true, so do a lot of other things around the Olive Garden. If you’re short on funds but have loads of time, take a DIY class or watch a home repair YouTube channel and get to work! Think of all the less blurry photographs you can take once your home is slightly more presentable!

Toss your old make-up - For most folks, this would be an hour or two at best. But for you, it is likely to be a long term project involving tears, stamina and, quite possibly, safety equipment. Trash your signature bronzer and the industrial paint roller you apply it with. Same for whatever is going on your eyelashes. You want “lush”, but it’s giving “shoe polish”. While you’re at it, that “no make-up” make up needs to go as well. That may have been a huge change but it was not a huge improvement.

Learn to sew - Girl, I’ll bet you are good with your hands (if you catch my drift). But skip the weird calligraphy. Invest in a hobby that will be both a time suck and a wallet saver. If you learn to sew, you can hem all of your puddle pants yourself, make thin, ratty dresses for Lili and quilt comfort blankets for H! Definitely nothing for Archie, though.

Go fishing for a new catch - Your royal grift definitely did not go as planned. But the Forbes Billionaires List can offer you a potential exit. It’s a long shot, for sure. Most ultra-rich men set themselves up legally to minimize grifting. And they won’t want spouses who embarrass them in public or commit social gaffes. So, an uphill battle for you. But there may be outliers! You need the billionaire version of a hagfish: ancient, bottom-dwelling, blind and totally spineless. Bonus if he lives on a distant island without paps. Happy fishing, Meghan!