I'm starting to hate my sister-in-law

My sister-in-law drives me absolutely crazy. I absolutely hate the way she makes me feel, but I love it at the same time. I don't want to feel this way about her at all. On the rare occasion I'm around her, my brain feels like a flustered mess and I can't think straight. I get butterflies just thinking about seeing her. I never really paid that much attention to her for a long time but then one day a few years ago at a family dinner she caught my eye good and I haven't been able to forget about her since.

She doesn't have the prettiest face in the world and her skin tone is extremely pale, but she hands down has the sexiest figure I have ever seen. Everything is in absolutely perfect proportions. It goes so much deeper than just that though. We are so much alike in so many ways. And a lot of ways, she is the female version of me. She was 9 years younger than me though and she has never even had a boyfriend and has had everything handed to her her whole life so she can be really immature and quite the little brat sometimes. But for whatever reason that turns me on too.

I'm very much in love with my wife, she is truly an amazing woman and we have the perfect family and life together. Her parents are wonderful and are amazing grandparents. My wife and I get along great, most of the time, everything just feels natural and right between us like we were meant for each other. But I never once had butterflies or was nervous around my wife how I am with her sister. It's a feeling I've never really experienced before and I don't know what to make of it. It's not like I want my sister-in-law instead of my life, it's like I want to be with both of them.

I rarely get to see my sister-in-law and we've never had more than a few minutes alone together. Which is probably a really good thing. I know for certain my wife would not take kindly to the thought of me liking her sister. And I also feel fairly certain my sister-in-law has no interest in me.

There's so many things I wish I could talk to my sister-in-law about and so many things I wish I could ask her. But I know I never can. I don't want to feel the way I do about her. I think about her all the time, most of the time she's the first thing I think about in the morning and one of the last things I think about before I go to sleep. I fantasize about her all the time. I absolutely hate the way I feel about her and I don't know what to do about it. I haven't found any way to stop thinking about her.