The Social Aftermath…

I think one of the hardest things in leaving my marriage with a narc has been the social aftermath. Let me explain…

As typical for long term relationships, my ex and I have a lot of mutual friends and connections- mainly in religious settings. Unfortunately, he has been on a smear campaign not just against me but against my family and friends. When we were together, he always would use people in my family against me, saying I should be more like them. Now that they are inevitably supporting me, they are seemingly the worst people on the planet to him. He has threatened me and my parents, saying that he will essentially “expose” us. Granted, he genuinely has very little ammunition except for whatever narrative he has spun.

My dad is a prominent pastor who has several leadership positions outside of his own congregation, and of course, my narc ex is trying to turn as many people within the church against him, my mother, and me as possible. It is to the point where he is making passive aggressive social media posts against me, my family, etc. He also has several people who he has recruited to spy on my social media pages and send him stuff. (I know this because he has told me.)

I know that this is a delicate situation, as most people in our church circle specifically genuinely do not know the extent of his abuse, but I don’t know how to handle it. My instinct is to run and correct people’s perceptions, but I know that silence is probably more beneficial. I am a fairly reserved, introverted person and my ex is a very social, charismatic person who attracts people like a magnet. Some people fall prey to that persona very very easily. It is so devastating when people who are supposed to be your “brothers and sisters” easily side with the narc, not even asking for your side of the story or checking in to see how you are.

All of that to say, I could use some advice on how to handle this, specifically in the context of religious circles. Thank you 🫶🏼