Feeling like a mid life crisis I need help

( I believe God’s real from stories of personal experience and things happened around me and to me I think) I’m so so tired. I’m so irritated. I have a Bible 10 feet away less or so feet away. I wanna open it and trust it, but my OCD won’t let me I’m tired every single night I haven’t had peace lot this year. I mean, I have, but I think a majority of the year I haven’t been and there are stuff I’ve done that has caused that’s like I chose to go against God. I’m tired I want to read my Bible and have peace and hope everyday and it’s hard to trust that the Holy Ghost preserved it I think and that when they wrote they wrote about Jesus to fit the Old Testament that we don’t even know is ours it’s what those people had and believed in I think. I’m so tired man yes I’m the person who’s made all these posts on here I just want peace about this man I’m so tired. Here’s is where I’m coming from. 1 I want to read my Bible I know it’s not univocal and has contradictions I believe. 2 I see that these people were distraught and sad when Jesus had died so they wrote to make Jesus seem like the person being prophecies in the Old Testament, and the Old Testament isn’t even about Christ but about king David I think I’m not even sure. 3 and if you say that the Holy Ghost preserved the text you gotta understand it’s hard for me to go off of that because I think that they could’ve just added that in to make people trust in the Bible more. 4 I know that there’s a core message, but I like them the little details too like where was Jesus Christ born or facts about his life.
5. And it feels like it’s falling apart because so many people so many Christians and pastors that I know go off of the fact that the Old Testament prophesies about Jesus and that the Bible is guided by the Holy Spirit. They got a lot more faith than I do I believe. ( for context I’m 15 and so much stuff I happening in my life and it seems that Jesus and God is the only thing but it feels like it’s on hold right now until I figure this out because if I go, pray, read my Bible all this stuff I think it’s gonna be running through my head all these doubts and how the Bible was written. Please don’t tell me to go to therapy or talk to a trusted adult. Please chat me or comment and please pray for me.