Coping skills, I need to SCREAM

I'm listening to yet another webinar about helping kids with anxiety and school avoidance, and once again it basically boils down to "here's a bunch of coping skills and cognitive strategies to teach them." Everybody just assumes the child wants to use coping skills and cognitive strategies, and will obviously do so if you just show them what to do.

Do I really have the only child in the world who doesn't want to regulate himself? Is my child the only one in the world who says they like being dysregulated and who gets even more wound up if you encourage him to use coping skills? Am I the only parent using what calm relaxed time we have to teach coping skills and cognitive strategies, only to have that child scream profanity and get violent whenever you suggest taking a deep breath or having a stretch? Am I really all alone out here??