I'm obsessed with the idea of having sex

I wish I was joking. I went to the hospital because sexual obsession was giving me suicidal thoughts. Ever since I was a teenager I've been obsessed with the idea of having sex & having a relationship despite the fact that I've never done it at almost 24. Constant thoughts about it. I went through quite a bit of sexual trauma growing up so I'm skeptical if this is why I'm dealing with this. I cut one of my bestfriends off at the beginning of college because she told me she lost her virginity and it triggered me. When my friends in highschool were getting boyfriends & having sex I was absolutely miserable and would cry my eyes out every single day and would lash out at them over it. Every marriage proposal and pregnancy announcement makes me want to die. Every romantic song & movie & reference makes me want to die. Recently my mom told me she was younger than me when she had sex for the first time, and I absolutely lost it. It felt like this great betrayal. The next day I almost hooked up with someone off Reddit because of it, and then proceeded to meltdown into one of the worst mental health experiences I've ever had which led me to going to the hospital because of the suicidal thoughts I was having. I'm not sure what's wrong with me and I'm super embarassed about it. I'm not sure if it's like OCD related or trauma related or why I put intimacy & sex on this huge pedestal. My mind genuinely thinks people who have had sex are better than me and I don't know why. I genuinely have this idea that sex is like the start of someones adulthood and I feel like a child. But anyways, I need advice about what the hell is going on with me.