i dont want you happy

saw his most recent ex before me followed him yesterday. left a MEETING to smoke half a pack.

this was the ex who followed him when i left in feburary. supposedly he unblocked her then because she wanted to congratulate him on his new crib. i dont know what it is this time. hes posts money spreads and his "lavish" living frequently so im guessing shes back for more of that.

im guessing this is how he felt about me having male friends which is why everything deteriorated so quickly. by the end of the first round i felt so suffocated i had to go to save myself. clawed back successfully despite him being cruel vindictive threatening my life and he left after i told him i did something for rent money during our breakup.

ive told the full story to men, women, i get the same answer. he was abusive. the constant push pull, lack of reassurance other than being handed cash. i know it stemmed from visceral fear, i tried so hard to give him the love he thought he'd never receive. yet the goal posts constantly moved and i was always a whore, liar, every action was scrutinized. why am i tweaking over something i know was less than half of what i can get.